3 out of 6 on SAT essay?

For those of you out there who are contemplating taking the SAT test, I'd like to provide my essay that resulted in the paltry score of 3 out of a possible 6. The essay is reviewed by two people and the score is combined, so my total score then became 6 out of 12. I'm not sure if the bar is set high, or if my thesis cost me points, but after reading the essay again, I feel I should have been given a higher grade. You be the judge. The question is in bold, followed by my answer:

Should modern society be criticized for being materialistic?

Modern society should not be criticized for being materialistic. Inevitably, the elements that lead to materialism forms the building blocks that stabilize modern living. One may argue that the quest for possessions leads to an unhealthy and selfish desire to propel a person past their peers; however, it is this force that motivates people to strive for excellence in their respective occupations. This not only improves the quality of life overall in a society, but it sets forth the stratification of classes. After all, in our capitalistic environment, there simply must be a hierarchy set in place. Those who are striving for a better life will use the quest for possessions as the proverbial carrot they are chasing.

Sure there are other aspects in life a person will yearn for – family namely; material possessions are available for any person to obtain no matter what their handicap, emotionally or intellectually. Bottom line, society would be in dire need of a transformation if materialism was abolished.